Survivors of abuse often tell me:
- I feel so much shame.
- It must have been my fault.
- I deserved it.
- I did something wrong.
They also tell me:
- I’ll never be able to get over it.
- I don’t feel safe around men.
- I don’t feel safe around women.
- Relationships have always been hard for me.
- I don’t trust others.
- I don’t trust myself.
- I don’t know my own thoughts.
- I am so unworthy.
- I am unlovable.
- There is something wrong with me.
- I am broken and can’t be fixed.
I understand that all of these thoughts and more seem true.
But they are not.
Here is the truth:
- You didn’t do anything wrong.
- You didn’t deserve it.
- It is not your fault.
- There isn’t anything wrong with you.
- You are not broken.
How do I know this?
I know because:
- I am a survivor of sexual abuse.
- I have done my healing work.
- I have been trained to help other’s heal.
Here is the truth:
Abuse, any kind of abuse, is about.
Power and control.
Even sexual abuse is not about sex.
It is about power and control.
The abuser has a need to feel powerful and controlling.
The abuser does this be abusing someone.
The person being abused is always at a disadvantage.
In other words, they are always in a powerless situation with an over-powering abuser.
The person being abused:
- Did not ask for it.
- Did not want it.
- Did not do anything to deserve it.
- Did not do anything wrong.
The person being abused was not at fault –
When you are abused you are:
- Told a lot of lies about why you are being abused.
- At a disadvantage, so you believe the lies.
- Telling yourself lies about why you deserve it.
Here is more truth:
All abuse is a form of trauma.
Whenever you experience trauma:
- Your brain makes a split-second decision.
- That decision is made to make sure you survive the trauma.
- It isn’t a conscious decision.
- It is unconscious.
- It is how your brain kept you as safe as possible in that moment.
Often the behavior survivors learn to keep them safe during abuse,
Doesn’t work in their life after the abuse ends.
So, you aren’t doing anything wrong in your life now.
You are just using ways of coping that don’t work anymore.
Again, nothing has gone wrong here.
You haven’t done anything wrong.
You did what you had to do to survive.
No one ever taught you how:
- To let go of old ways of coping that don’t work anymore
- To learn new ways of thinking and coping.
See you haven’t done anything wrong.
You are not broken.
You can learn new ways of thinking and coping.
You can learn new ways to live your life.
You can leave your past in the past.
You can have the life you want.
Those are all things I can help you do.
Just click: Schedule My Consultation With Cindy
I will help you!