My clients often tell me:
- If I could just be with her/him I could be happy
- When he said/did it hurt my feelings.
- I’m not happy in my marriage because my spouse ________________
There is a common thread here.
You think your happiness is based on your spouse’s words and actions.
I know it seems like this is true.
But it is a lie.
Your happiness cannot be created by or crushed by someone else.
How you feel is totally up to you.
How you feel is always because of what you are thinking.
I hear you saying: “But Cindy you don’t understand.”
- He lied.
- She cheated.
- He/she says mean and hurtful things to me.
- He left our church and our faith.
- They aren’t the person I thought I was marrying.
- He quit his job.
- She ran up debt on our credit cards.
- They aren’t supportive of my dreams and goals.
I get it.
Really, I do.
I married a man that had a porn addiction.
It started when he was 15 years old.
He hid it from me.
He was secretive and withdrew.
I didn’t find out about the porn until we were married for 14 years.
In my mind, his porn and me being a survivor of sexual abuse didn’t work.
I felt betrayed.
I thought I could never trust him.
I went from deeply in love to anger and loathing.
I wanted a divorce.
Yet next week we will celebrate or 24th Wedding Anniversary.
Believe it or not, the first thing to change was my thoughts.
I had not been introduced to thought work when I learned about the porn.
I was introduced to thought work shortly after finding the porn.
It was a lightbulb moment for me to realize …
My husband was not responsible for my happiness.
Only I was responsible for how I felt.
And how I felt was caused by what I thought.
Chuck was still the same person.
Only my thoughts about him had changed.
Before my knowledge of the porn, I loved him.
After, I loathed and despised him.
He wasn’t any different.
Only my thoughts about him changed.
I want to be clear.
I am not saying stay with someone that:
- Is abusive
- Doesn’t share your values or morals.
No, I am not saying that.
I would never support you being abused.
I am saying that whether you stay or go …
Understand your happiness is not in their hands.
Your happiness is in your hands.
Also understand you cannot control what someone else:
Adults get to do anything they want.
There might be consequences for their behavior.
And you can think whatever you want about their behavior.
I just want you to realize only you and your thoughts …
Create your happiness.
This is an advanced concept.
It is so much easier to blame others for your hurts.
But I want you to consider …
True freedom comes when you take full responsibility for your:
That is where you will find true empowerment.
If you would like to learn how to take full responsibility for your feelings, just click: Schedule My FREE Consultation With Cindy
I will help you!