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My clients often tell me:

  • If I could just be with her/him I could be happy
  • When he said/did it hurt my feelings.
  • I’m not happy in my marriage because my spouse ________________

There is a common thread here.

You think your happiness is based on your spouse’s words and actions.

I know it seems like this is true.

But it is a lie.

Your happiness cannot be created by or crushed by someone else.

How you feel is totally up to you.

How you feel is always because of what you are thinking.

I hear you saying: “But Cindy you don’t understand.”

  • He lied.
  • She cheated.
  • He/she says mean and hurtful things to me.
  • He left our church and our faith.
  • They aren’t the person I thought I was marrying.
  • He quit his job.
  • She ran up debt on our credit cards.
  • They aren’t supportive of my dreams and goals.

I get it.

Really, I do.

I married a man that had a porn addiction.

It started when he was 15 years old.

He hid it from me.

He was secretive and withdrew.

I didn’t find out about the porn until we were married for 14 years.

In my mind, his porn and me being a survivor of sexual abuse didn’t work.

At all.

I felt betrayed.

I thought I could never trust him.

I went from deeply in love to anger and loathing.

I wanted a divorce.

Yet next week we will celebrate or 24th Wedding Anniversary.

What changed?

Believe it or not, the first thing to change was my thoughts.

I had not been introduced to thought work when I learned about the porn.

I was introduced to thought work shortly after finding the porn.

It was a lightbulb moment for me to realize …

My husband was not responsible for my happiness.

Only I was responsible for how I felt.

And how I felt was caused by what I thought.

Chuck was still the same person.

Only my thoughts about him had changed.

Before my knowledge of the porn, I loved him.

After, I loathed and despised him.

He wasn’t any different.

Only my thoughts about him changed.

I want to be clear.

I am not saying stay with someone that:

  • Is abusive
  • Doesn’t share your values or morals.

No, I am not saying that.

I would never support you being abused.

I am saying that whether you stay or go …

Understand your happiness is not in their hands.

Your happiness is in your hands.

Also understand you cannot control what someone else:

  • Says
  • Does
  • Thinks

Adults get to do anything they want.

There might be consequences for their behavior.

And you can think whatever you want about their behavior.

I just want you to realize only you and your thoughts …

Create your happiness.

This is an advanced concept.

It is so much easier to blame others for your hurts.

But I want you to consider …

True freedom comes when you take full responsibility for your:

  • Feelings
  • Thoughts
  • Actions

That is where you will find true empowerment.

If you would like to learn how to take full responsibility for your feelings, just click: Schedule My FREE Consultation With Cindy

I will help you!