Someone recently told me they had given up on healing from their sexual abuse because life just never worked out for them. This reminded me of the movie “The Polar Express”. In the movie there is a boy from the poorer part of town. When the train gets to the North Pole and all the kids get off to see Santa, the boy stays in his seat. He is asked: “Are you coming?” The boy replies: “No, because things just never work out for me.”
Can you see this boy has created his own self-fulling prophecy? It won’t work out for him to see Santa because he won’t get off the train to see Santa. Think about that for a minute. Why won’t he get off the train? Because he has a thought “Things just never work out for me.” That thought is causing a feeling. Perhaps fear or discouragement. It is the feeling that keeps him from getting off the train.
This is a great example of how or if we decide to do the work to heal from our sexual abuse. How or if we set and go after any goal.
New Year’s Eve is coming. It is the traditional time for resolutions otherwise known as goals. Many people no longer make a New Year’s resolution because they decided ahead of time they won’t keep their resolution or reach their goal. Can you see just like the boy on the train in “The Polar Express” it is only a feeling that is stopping them?
Why is that? I believe it is because they are imagining what they think is the worst that can happen to them. They think if they set a goal and miss, they will experience failure (which is a feeling). They think setting a goal, not reaching it and experience the feeling of failure is the worst that can happen to them. I disagree. This is not the worst that can happen! I believe the worst that can happen is that we never try. Because the truth is the worst that can happen is only a feeling.
Wow! The worst that can happen is that you don’t try because of how you might feel. This is great news because your feelings come from your thoughts and you can choose your thoughts!
Now, consider the cost of not trying. It is not just reaching the goal that is your success. It is how you grow and learn as you work towards your goal. It is who you must become in order to reach that goal. These are the benefits we never consider when we only count reaching the goal as the only success.
Let’s narrow this in to the journey of healing from sexual abuse. Remember the person that told me they had given up on their healing journey because life just never worked out for them? They, just like the boy on the train in “The Polar Express” have created a self-fulfilling prophecy. But this isn’t about them. It’s about you.
My question for you is: “Are you coming? Are you coming on your sexual abuse healing journey?” After all the worst that can happen is that you don’t try because of how you might end up feeling. That you don’t work on your personal healing. Where will you be then? Right where you are now. Is that where you want to be? Or do you want the joy, peace, self-love and worthiness that are the by products of doing the work on your healing journey?
I strongly encourage you to come with me on your healing journey and watch to see how you will grow and learn. See who you will become. Here are some questions to get you started:
- Write down one thing you are afraid might happen if you start your sexual abuse healing journey.
- Why are you afraid?
- What is the thought that is causing this fear?
- How does that thought make you feel?
- What thought could you think instead (about yourself) that would have you feeling better?
- How does this new thought make you feel?
- How long do you believe it will take to get the result you want on your healing journey?
- If it doesn’t work out in that amount of time, do you believe working on it for more time could help?
- When you reach your healing goal what will that be like? Describe it in detail.
- How will you need to change/grow in order to reach your healing goal?
- What will it cost you to not go after your healing goal?
- What will you gain by going on your sexual abuse healing journey?
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