This week I had to face my fear of being diagnosed for a second time with breast cancer. It would have been so easy to give in to the fear which would have had me overeating, not getting out of bed, not working and crying non-stop. Then I remembered I have faced fear before … and so have you. Whether it is our sexual abuse, the possible diagnosis of a dreaded disease, the possible loss of our job or the upcoming get together with a family member, we can all become overrun by our fear.
Fear shows up in thoughts like: “You are going to die.” “They will hurt you.” “You will lose your job and your home.” “No one will ever believe you.” “You are the crazy one.” On, and on it goes. But it doesn’t have to. Remember we are not our thoughts. We are only the Watcher of our thoughts and all thoughts are optional. Remember feelings are only something we experience as a vibration in our body. Example: The pit in our stomach, the tightness in our throat, the shortness of breath. These are all only a vibration in our body and they will pass. They can’t hurt us. They are only caused by a thought we are thinking. The good news here is we are in charge because we get to choose what we think which causes us to feel how we feel. We are in charge!
So how do we take charge of our thoughts and feelings? Believe it or not, it is by practicing dealing with our fears. Here are some great questions to help you do just that:
- What is the worst feeling you can imagine ever having to face?
- What would that feel like in your body? Describe the location in your body and exactly how it would show up. Be careful to include all the details about the sensations and nothing about the thoughts that would be going through your head. Just notice how it would feel in each part of your body.
- Think about this feeling and the great lengths you would go to avoid experiencing this feeling. Can you explain why you would work so hard to avoid something that is only a vibration in your body?
- If you were willing to experience this feeling knowing that it was only a vibration in your body what might be different for you? How might you act differently in your life.
- What are you afraid would happen if your worst fear came true? “I’m afraid _________________________”
- What thought is creating your fear? You will find that in the I’m afraid __________________ Example: If I was diagnosed with breast cancer a second time, I am afraid I will die. The thought that is creating my fear is: I will die.
- Is that thought true? Yes or No
- Can you absolutely know for certain that thought is true? Yes or No
- What do you do or not do when you believe that thought is true?
- How do you feel when you believe that thought?
- What do you imagine will happen when you believe that thought?
- How do you buffer when you think that thought? (Do you over use: alcohol, drugs, money, food, sex, television, computers? Do you avoid people or doing things?)
- Does this thought have you feeling empowered or disempowered?
- What thought could you think that would have you feel empowered?
This week I decided to use these questions and to get coaching to help me choose what to think about my follow up mammogram and ultrasound. You see no told me it might be cancer. When I got the call to schedule the follow up appointments, my thoughts took me right to my fear. But then I became the Watcher of my thoughts and feelings. I did my thought work. Because of that everyday I got out of bed, I worked, I didn’t overeat, I didn’t cry. I went for my mammogram and ultrasound. I was told there was nothing there. No cancer! It is no different for you in whatever fear you are facing. You and I can give into our thoughts and fears or we can be the master of our thoughts and feelings. We can be the masters of our lives.
If you would like help mastering your fears, simply schedule a free complimentary coaching session with me at: www.CindysCalendar.com