Did you know there is a difference between Confidence and Self-Confidence? Confidence is something we experience or know for ourselves about a skill that we have developed. You might be confident in the work you do for your job. My husband is very confident in the work he does as a Journeyman Electrician. He is also confident that he knows how to successfully run the lawnmower to mow the lawn. I am confident in my ability to sail our 27’ Tall Rig sailboat. I am also confident in my ability to coach others. You might be confident that you can make a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. Any time you feel certain in your ability to do something you are being confident.
Self-Confidence is different. Self-Confidence is a mindset. We might not know how to do everything, but we can have Self-Confidence in our ability to figure it out, our ability to handle anything that is thrown at us. Self-Confidence is us knowing we can handle all our emotions and that we can handle our mindset (thoughts/feelings).
The minute we make a mistake, the minute we come up against something, if we have a fixed mindset, we are not going to have self-confidence to overcome it and we will probably give up. However, if we have a growth mindset then we can figure it out. We can overcome. We can develop Self-Confidence.
Self-confidence and a growth mindset come from a place of, “Of course there’s going to be mistakes. Of course, I’m going to fail. That’s how I grow.” Remember the little kid that falls down as she is learning to walk. The way that she gets strong enough to walk is by pushing herself back up. Fixed mindset sees failing at something as an expression of a character or talent flaw. Growth mindset thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligence, but as a springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities. What is your belief about your capability? Do you believe it is fixed or do you believe you can grow and learn how to do anything? Is failure just feedback for you?
Self-confidence is worth developing. If you’re trying to get self-confidence from your past abilities, you’re doing it backwards. You have to believe in your capability to develop yourself and your abilities. It looks like this: you take action, you fail, you learn, you get up and try it in a different way using what you learned. When you take action, you either get the result you want or not, but you always learn what works and what doesn’t work. Self-confidence doesn’t come from always succeeding. It come from failing, learning, getting back up and continue to try and keep learning and trying until you eventually succeed.
Self-Confidence is also when you love yourself. You love yourself and your abilities, no matter what others say to you or say about you. In 2015 I decided to design and ride a 500-mile bike ride to promote awareness of sexual abuse and support for healing for survivors. I am not athletic. Because of an auto accident I can’t ride a traditional bike. My family knows about my inabilities and so they kept telling me I couldn’t ride 500 miles. They shook their heads and told me I was crazy to take this on. Still I in my Self-Confidence just made up my mind to ride 500 miles. The training was hard! I injured my right foot, my achilles tendon and my left knee. But I didn’t give up. I learned I couldn’t train myself to ride 500 miles on a recumbent bike. I went to physical therapy for my injuries and hired a professional athletic trainer. Can you see how started out, failed, learned, and then tried again? Can you see I kept going no matter what my family said? That’s Self-Confidence and that is what made it possible for me to cycle 500 miles.
Here are some questions to help you develop your own Self-Confidence:
- Define Self-Confidence.
- Where does Self-Confidence come from?
- Do you have a lot of Self-Confidence? Why or why not.
- Why do you want Self-Confidence?
- What is the best way for you to get more Self-Confidence?
- What thoughts do you have that are keeping you from developing Self-Confidence?
- Do you have any fears about developing your Self-Confidence and the success you will create with it?
- Write down a result that you have gotten in your past that you didn’t want.
- What is the result you want to create?
- How will Self-confidence help you create that result?
- Create an Accomplishment Log. List big and small things that you have accomplished (graduated from high school, learned to drive a car, throw a great party, bought my home, ran a marathon, etc). The point is to acknowledge everything that you have done that you at one time may not have been able to do, but you figured out how to do it and accomplished it. Try to fill an entire page with your accomplishments.
- At the end of everyday add new accomplishments that you experienced on that day to your Accomplishment Log. They can be small accomplishment (I loaded the dishwasher) or large accomplishments (I ran a mile for the first time today). Commit to reading your entire Accomplishment Log before you go to bed. This will help you see yourself building your own Self-Confidence.
If you would like help building your Self-Confidence, simply schedule a free complimentary coaching session with me at: www.CindysCalendar.com