They didn’t believe me.
They told me I was confused.
They told me I made it up.
They told me it was my fault.
They told me I deserved it.
They told me I wanted it.
They told me it had to be me to keep others safe.
They told me it couldn’t be true because my abuser was such a nice guy.
They told me my story had holes in it.
When I said I couldn’t answer all their questions, they said it was because it didn’t really happen.
They didn’t want to see that it was killing me.
They didn’t care how scared I was, how much I was hurting.
They treated me like I was invisible, expendable, like I didn’t matter, like I wasn’t worthy.
THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE ME!
I know. Truly I know how hard it was for you because they didn’t believe you. I get how it made you feel powerless, helpless, not worthy, not safe, not loved, not validated, like you didn’t matter, like it didn’t matter that it happened to you. I understand how their lack of belief could even be affecting you now.
Here is my question: Do you believe you? No, really Do You Believe You?
Here is why I ask. I have brown eyes. If I told someone: “Hey, I have brown eyes.” And they didn’t believe me, my response would be to say to myself in my mind: “They need their vision checked. Because they can’t see what is right in front of them, my brown eyes.”
Don’t stop reading. I know brown eyes are NOT the same, NOT even close, to the sexual abuse you endured. I get it.
What I want you to understand is that you don’t need them to believe you.
Take a breath. I know this can be a hard concept to understand. As survivors we want others to believe us because we think it will validate us and make us feel better.
So, let’s go back to my brown eyes. If someone told me I was confused, I didn’t have brown eyes, I had blue eyes. I would not believe them. I wouldn’t give them a second thought. Clearly their lack of belief in me having brown eyes is their problem not mine. I don’t have to prove I have brown eyes. I KNOW I have brown eyes.
It is the same with our sexual abuse. My birth mother and my brother don’t believe me. So what? Clearly this is their problem not mine. Their lack of belief does not invalidate me or make me feel less then. Why would it? It is their problem. I don’t have a problem because I BELIEVE ME. I don’t have to prove it happened. I KNOW it happened. I don’t need their validation to help me feel better. I give myself my own validation and that is what makes me feel better.
When you believe you and stop worrying or caring about what other people think, it frees you to stand in your truth. It frees you to have your own back. It frees you to heal. It frees you to create the life you want. Not the life other people want you to have so they can feel ok.
I don’t argue with my mom or brother. They are free to think what they want. Just like I am free to think and do what I want. I want to believe me. I want to have my own back. I don’t want to engage in conversations about my abuse with people that don’t believe me.
What do you want? Do you believe you? Do you WANT to believe you enough to stand in your truth no matter what other people think or do? You don’t have to be able to stand in your truth without others believing you yet. I just want you to consider wanting this for yourself. Wanting it is a start and that is all you need.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you have your own back.
Why does what they think about my sexual abuse matter to me?
What do I make it mean when they don’t believe me?
How does it hurt me when I value their opinion over my own truth?
What do I want to believe about myself?
What do I want to make it mean when they don’t believe me?
What are the benefits of believing myself regardless of what others believe?
What would a fully healed me five years in the future tell the current me about what others do or don’t believe?
What would a fully healed me five years in the future tell the current me about myself and my life five years in the future?
Letting go of wanting others to believe us, can seem difficult. How to proceed or not proceed in relationships with people that don’t believe us can seem even harder. That is why I am here to help you. Join my private closed Facebook group Choose to Soar
for more help and support.