Many people want to believe that sabotage is something they don’t have any control over. They think it is something that just happens to them. However, self-sabotage is a choice you make on purpose to help yourself feel different. Sabotaging yourself is something you do as a reaction to uncomfortable thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. Unfortunately, when you self-sabotage you only feel better temporarily.
Here are three ways that many people self-sabotage:
- Procrastination: Not taking the actions or steps that will move you towards your goal or desired outcome. Procrastination is often disguised and perfectionism. When the truth is many people procrastinate because they are afraid to fail or because they are afraid of what others might think of them. Instead consider that perfectionism leads to procrastination which leads to parallelization. Also consider that the opposite of success is not failure. The opposite of success it is not trying. Finally remember that what other people think of you is none of your business. Besides most people are not thinking about what you are or are not doing because they are too busy thinking about themselves.
- Quitting. Many people quit when they are closer to their goal then they realize. Wanting to quit is a normal part of the cycle of change but that doesn’t mean that you give in to the desire to quit. Instead consider the five stages of the cycle of change: 1. Uninformed Optimism. This is when the thought of change seems new and exciting. In this stage you will be thinking “I want to …” 2. Informed Pessimism. This is when you begin to experience the work that is involved in the change you desire. In this stage you will be thinking “I have to … or … This is harder than I realized.” 3. Valley Of Despair. This is the stage when many people quit. This is decision time. You can quit, or you can decide “I can do this!” and continue, no matter how hard it seems. Consider that if you quit now you will just go back to the first stage and will start all over again on something else. So, consider the benefit of continuing towards your goal. 4. Informed Optimism. By now you have learned a few things and you are beginning to make progress. You will be thinking: “Wow, I’m actually doing this!”. 5. Success and Fulfillment. You have reached your goal and will be thinking “I did it.” So, consider not quitting. You are closer to your goal than you know.
- The biggest way people self-sabotage is not to have any goals. They don’t put together a plan to create the life they want. Maybe they are living in and staying stuck in their past. Whether their past was positive or negative, stuck is still stuck. Maybe they have decided to tune-out and not have any awareness of their life. Instead they have decided to be numb. Maybe they believe they lack the ability to create the life they want. Maybe they believe life just happens. Maybe they have given up. Instead consider you are just a thought away from beginning to create the life you want.
Yes, I said you are just one thought away from beginning to create the life you want. Many people want to believe that they don’t have any control over their thoughts. This is not true. Consider that your thoughts are like a cute puppy. Puppies are so cute and so much fun! But eventually the puppy has an accident or chews our shoes and furniture. Then they aren’t so cute. When you get a puppy, you know that without training, the puppy will piddle, poo and chew its way through your home ruining things. Nobody wants to live in a home that is full of piddle and poo. Nobody wants to sit on a chewed-up couch or wear chewed-up shoes. So, instead we train the puppy to do its business outside. We teach it to obey the words “no” and “leave it”. We teach the puppy not to jump on people, to sit, stay and lay down. Now the puppy is so much more fun!
Our thoughts are like an untrained puppy that is piddling, pooing and chewing its way through our life. So, it is time to train our thoughts. No matter how old these thoughts are or how long they have been around, we can train our thinking.
We can train our mind to notice thoughts that aren’t serving us and train our mind to choose thoughts that help us feel better and have the life we want.
Begin by noticing your thoughts and how they make you feel. Write these thoughts and feelings down. Be aware that many of these thoughts and feelings will feel uncomfortable. That’s ok. Thoughts and feelings can’t hurt you and they will pass. So just notice. Don’t react. Don’t try to make yourself feel better. The more you learn to allow your thoughts and feelings while just noticing without reacting, the quicker they will pass. Remind yourself that discomfort is part of growth and part of healing. Remind yourself that all humans experience discomfort. You are not alone. This will pass.
Once you have allowed the thought and feeling that was uncomfortable, noticed it, written the uncomfortable thought and feeling down and it has past, you are ready to start creating. Ask yourself what thought and feeling you would like to think/experience about yourself that will cause you to feel better and move your forward. Write that thought and feeling down. Then practice saying this new empowering thought out loud several times a day.
If you are willing to experience/notice the uncomfortable thoughts and then replace those thoughts with empowering thoughts and feelings that you practice several times a day, you will, over time, stop self-sabotaging. You will have trained the puppy of your mind. Now you can create the life you really want.
If you would like help with this, simply go to www.CindysCalendar.com and schedule your free 60-minute session.