Is your past or what happened to you defining who you are? Don’t feel bad. You are not alone. We all do it. Yet, isn’t it interesting that when we see a cute cuddly baby we smile and coo. On Facebook we post comments like: “Sweet” and “What a cutie”. If I asked you what was wrong with that baby, you would probably reply: “Nothing” and you would be right. There is nothing wrong with that baby. Just like there was nothing wrong with you when you were born.
Yet somewhere along the way something happened. Some of you were abused, others where simply ignored or spoken harshly to by an adult. Maybe your mom or dad favored a brother or sister over you. Maybe when you wanted your parent’s attention they told you to leave them alone. No matter what happened, we all made it mean something negative about ourselves. We made it mean things like: “I’m not good enough. No matter how hard I try, I can never get it right. I’m not worthy. I don’t deserve …. “ and on, and on these negative self-talk thoughts go.
Without realizing it you are allowing this negative self-talk to define you. I fact you are actually verbally abusing yourself. I used to let the abuse of my childhood define who I was, and I didn’t even know that I was doing it. I used to call myself a survivor, but I was treating myself like a victim. I kept reliving what had happened to me over and over in my head. It seemed like I wasn’t consciously choosing to relive the abuse. It was just that something would happen, I would get triggered, the old abuse memories would come up and I would decide that what was happening in the present moment was because of what happened in the past. I would say things like: “No one will ever love me. I’m not lovable. If I was lovable I wouldn’t have been abused. If anyone really cared about me the abuse wouldn’t have happened and what is happening now wouldn’t be happening.”
No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t move forward. It felt like I was carrying this heavy weight from my past with me everywhere I went. It felt like it was affecting me and everything I was trying to do. It felt like I could never overcome what had happened in my past.
What I didn’t realize and what you might not realize is that with my self-talk I was bring my past right along with me. My negative self-talk, and thus my past, was defining me and limiting me. With my negative self-talk, I was continuing to abuse and devalue myself. I was keeping myself stuck. Stuck right where I didn’t want to be. Maybe it has you stuck too.
But guess what, you, yes you, hold the key to getting out of this stuckness! You can set yourself free from your past and be who you have always wanted to be. You can create the life you really want! You can be free! All you have to do is use the key you already have!
That key is your thinking. Thoughts are powerful! Have you heard the saying: “Thoughts are things.” Or “As a man (or woman) thinketh so he (she) is.” Yes, your thoughts are the most powerful tool you have. Your thoughts give you the power to stop defining yourself based on the past. Your thoughts give you the power to become who you truly want to be.
But, it isn’t as simple as just thinking positive. First you want to notice the thoughts that have you stuck in your past. You want to notice the thoughts that are defining you in ways you don’t want to be defined. It is a process, but with time and practice you can change your thinking. Here are some questions to help you start noticing the thoughts that have you stuck.
As you answer these questions allow any and all emotions to surface. Feelings can seem scary, but feelings can’t hurt you and they will pass. So, allow yourself to feel any and all emotions as you answer the following questions:
- I am angry because:
- I am sad because:
- I wish:
- I am sorry that:
- I love myself because
Now imagine yourself as someone who is whole complete and totally lovable (because you are!). Imagine there is nothing wrong with you (because there isn’t anything wrong with you). Write a letter to this beautiful, special person. Write this letter to yourself from the part of you this is only unconditionally loving.
- What would the unconditionally loving part of you say to you?
- Why are you lovable?
- What advice would you give yourself?
- What would you suggest you stop doing?
- What would you suggest you start doing?
- What is the unconditionally loving truth that you can share with yourself about who you really are?
- What life can you create?
At this point you might be thinking: “I have tried all of this and more. Nothing works for me.” I understand. I used to feel that way too. What I want you to consider is that freeing yourself from your past takes work. It is absolutely possible, but it takes practice and often the support of a coach. That is why I am here to help you. Simply schedule your free sample session with me at: www.CindysCalendar.com