How to Move from Making Wrong Decisions to Making Powerful Decisions
What if there was no such thing as a wrong decision?
Not your first marriage.
Not the move you made to a different city.
Not the job you took.
Not the business you started that didn’t work out.
I can hear some of you saying “But Cindy …”
Hang in there with me. Instead I ask you to consider the possibility that everything happens as it is meant to happen for the path of your life.
As Byron Katie says “When you argue with reality, you will be wrong, but only a 100% of the time.”
Consider the decisions you made must have been made for what you needed to learn and grow on your personal life journey.
We can choose to honor ourselves for the past decisions we’ve made. We can also choose to honor our current decisions and have our own backs moving forward.
I encourage to adopt the thought: “There are no wrong decisions.”
Consider the only thing that makes something a “wrong decision” is you thinking and deciding it was a wrong decision. What if instead you decided it was a learning experience? How would that transform your life?
Many people believe that in their past they have made wrong decisions. Decisions which they have decided caused them difficulty, pain and suffering. This mindset keeps them from wanting to chose to make decisions moving forward.
Instead people indulging in confusion. They tell themselves “I don’t know”. “I don’t know how to do something” or “I don’t know what I want to do.”
I would encourage you to remove “I don’t know” from your thinking. The phrase “I don’t know” shifts you from your prefrontal cortex to your reptilian brain where fight flight and freeze live.
Consider that labeling past decisions as wrong or bad, is what causes you to allow “I don’t know” into your current thinking. All of this only holds you back from creating the life you want to live.
Instead I want to encourage you to make decisions often.
Make a commitment to yourself to make your decisions ahead of time and then honor those decisions.
Making decisions often and ahead of time allows you to access your prefrontal cortex where the power to make decisions live. You are no longer in fight, flight or freeze. Making decisions ahead of time and honoring them allows you to create the results you want anywhere in your life including your business, job, relationships, addictions like overeating and much more.
Here is why you want to make decisions often:
- Making decisions saves time. Being in confusion or I don’t know wastes time and costs you the life you want. Remember choosing to not decide is actually a decision. You are deciding not to decide.
- Making decisions increases the actions you are taking to move your life forward. When you take action, you learn so much.
- Making decisions increases your personal growth. The way you grow is to expand your experience. You can’t expand your experience if you don’t make decisions and take actions on those decisions.
- Making decisions increases confidence. When you make decisions and take actions on that decision you learn what you want to stop doing, what you want to keep doing, what you want to do to move forward in your life. As soon as you get out of I don’t know and decide, your insecurity goes away. Think about how you feel when you make a powerful decision. You tell yourself “Yes!” The more decisions you make the more your confidence grows.
Many people believe they need lots and lots of time to decide. Not so! Decisions are always made in an instant. When you are thinking, pondering, and matriculating, you are not deciding.
It is inaccurate to say, “I took time to make that decision”. You took time to think about it, but you made the decision in an instant after thinking about it.
Many people vacillate. They say they can’t make up their mind. When you keep changing your mind (making a decision and unmaking that decision), that is not making a decision. That is confusion.
So, make a decision and stick with it. Have your own back. Stand firm. Follow through, honor your decision no matter what.
I often hear clients ask: “But what if I don’t like my decision and want to change my mind?”
Consider that the only time you change your mind is after you’ve made the decision, taken action, gotten more information, and you feel empowered about that decision and the new direction that you want to take.
Notice I didn’t say you feel scared or doubtful. Feeling scared, doubtful and uncomfortable is a normal part of growth and a normal part of making a decision. Give yourself permission to stand firm, take action and follow through while feeling scared, doubtful and uncomfortable.
That is not the same as making a decision, taking action, realizing that was not what you wanted and then making another decision. Once you make the decision, take action and decided it is not what you wanted from a place of empowerment (not from fear, doubt or discomfort) then you can always make another different decision. The point is to decide from a place of empowerment not from disempowerment.
So how do you make powerful decisions? Here are some guidelines:
- First consider everything. Remove your self-imposed limitations. Consider everything. Ask yourself: Would you choose it now? Would you take that job again? Would you hire that person again? Would you marrythat person again? Would you start that business again? Always like your decision.
- Imagine both or all options turning out amazing. You stay in your current career and it turns out amazing. You start that new career/business and it turns out amazing. Then which one would you choose. Don’t limit your decision by deciding in advance that you will fail, or something won’t work out. Imagine everything works out and then decide which option you like best.
- Ask yourself “What if failure was no big deal?” What if you are either winning or learning? What if it didn’t matter if you failed at trying something? Remember failure is just the way you think about it. If you are either winning or learning, then there is no failure. If you can’t fail which decision will you make.
- Ask yourself if you can you say yes to both? Can you keep your job while starting your new business? Consider you don’t have to give up one thing to have something else.
- Ask yourself ten years from now what does your future-self have to say about the decision and why? Your future-self is wise. Ask your 10 years in the future-self “What should I do and why should I do it?”
- Give yourself a deadline to make the decision, then make it and move forward. It is ok to evaluate your options. Just don’t live in the state of evaluation, confusion or I don’t know. Give yourself a firm deadline. “I will set this amount of time aside to weigh my option and by this date I will decide.” If the deadline you gave yourself feels scary then you are doing it right! Remember, to grow, you want to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
- Ask “What would love do?” You can never go wrong when you come from a place of love. Remember sometimes love means you say no or sometimes love means you leave. Sometimes love means you end something and start something new.
- Ask “What moves you toward who you want to be?” Discomfort is not a reason to not do something. It is a normal part of growth. Discomfort is the currency that pays for the life you want to create.
- Ask “What is the best and worst-case scenario. Look at all your options and consider the best and worst-case scenario for all your options. Some people call this the pros and cons. Just be sure to do this for each of your options.
Maybe the worst-case scenario is missing out on the best-case scenario. So, go make decisions, take actions and create the life of your dreams!