fbpx

The 3 C’s To Dealing With Difficult People

Change – Who can you change? Only yourself.

Clear/Centered – Are you reacting? Do your mindset work (Though Dump, One Belief and/or Judge Your Neighbor) on a regular/daily basis so you can be centered and clear. If you feel you are reacting, ask for a break. Find a place (restroom, etc.) where you can quickly do your mindset work so you can move from reacting and get clear/centered. If a break is not possible, take slow deep breaths and practice releasing and feeling centered.

Communication – Communicate without blame, frustration, defensiveness, justifying or interpretation. Keep it just between you and them. Don’t gossip. Don’t share with others in an effort to find others to take your side. Instead do your mindset work or call your Mindset Coach for help and support.

Remember Your Primal Brain:

Wants to fight, flight, freeze

Needs to be right/safe

Remember being right = false sense of power

Ask yourself what does being right get you? Is it temporary self-indulgence or righteous indignation?

Ask yourself what do you lose by being right? Does it cause distance in your relationships?

This Is The Work Of One Person – You

8 Steps To Successfully Execute 3 C’s

1. Give up the need to be right. Give up the need to make others wrong

Acknowledge that no one wins with right and wrong

Giving up the need to be right = they stop being defensive/offensive

The war is now over!

Feeling irritated? That’s human and normal.

Remember to breath

Remember this takes practice

Remember being right is easy, but letting go is powerful

2. Say to the other person:

Tell me about this

Tell me how you feel about this

Share your thoughts about this with me

What do you want me to know?

What is your request?

3.Let the other person speak

Really listen. Don’t focus on what you want to say when they stop talking

Put yourself in their shoes

Work to see their point of view

Remember you can’t be defensive if you work to see their point of view

4.Ask yourself:

Where are they coming from?

Can you understand them?

Would this make sense if you were them?

Make the effort to fully hear them?

5.Keep breathing and releasing your defensiveness and disagreement

Disclaimer: I Did Not Say You Will Be Treated The Same Way By Them

Remember your job is to do the hearing

The point is not to be right

The point is to defuse the person and the situation

Don’t tell them you are doing this

Let them say all they have to say – they will stop

6. Simplify it down to the facts

Facts stand alone

Facts are completely neutral

Facts are something everyone agrees on

Facts are the common ground

7. In one sentence say:

I hear you say (restate their concern/interpretation)

In one sentence say I am interpreting this to mean

This is why we disagree.

No one is right or wrong.

We both just have a different interpretation of what this means.

If they are really upset or you don’t know them well you can choose to only say “I hear you say …..” The other steps you can    do in your head.

8. Then say:

Can we both agree that …(fact)……? (Yes or No) – Repeat as needed until facts are stated

Great so we agree that …(fact)….

Now, how can we work together find a way to solve, deal with, etc.?

From this point on only focus on finding a solution.

The goal is to brainstorm together to find a solution that makes it better

Benefits:

You are no longer person focused

You are no longer blame focused and neither are they

You are both solution focused

You don’t have to teach this to the other person – just do it

You will be empowered and they will become empowered

Win-Win