The 3 C’s To Dealing With Difficult People
Change – Who can you change? Only yourself.
Clear/Centered – Are you reacting? Do your mindset work (Though Dump, One Belief and/or Judge Your Neighbor) on a regular/daily basis so you can be centered and clear. If you feel you are reacting, ask for a break. Find a place (restroom, etc.) where you can quickly do your mindset work so you can move from reacting and get clear/centered. If a break is not possible, take slow deep breaths and practice releasing and feeling centered.
Communication – Communicate without blame, frustration, defensiveness, justifying or interpretation. Keep it just between you and them. Don’t gossip. Don’t share with others in an effort to find others to take your side. Instead do your mindset work or call your Mindset Coach for help and support.
Remember Your Primal Brain:
Wants to fight, flight, freeze
Needs to be right/safe
Remember being right = false sense of power
Ask yourself what does being right get you? Is it temporary self-indulgence or righteous indignation?
Ask yourself what do you lose by being right? Does it cause distance in your relationships?
This Is The Work Of One Person – You
8 Steps To Successfully Execute 3 C’s
1. Give up the need to be right. Give up the need to make others wrong
Acknowledge that no one wins with right and wrong
Giving up the need to be right = they stop being defensive/offensive
The war is now over!
Feeling irritated? That’s human and normal.
Remember to breath
Remember this takes practice
Remember being right is easy, but letting go is powerful
2. Say to the other person:
Tell me about this
Tell me how you feel about this
Share your thoughts about this with me
What do you want me to know?
What is your request?
3.Let the other person speak
Really listen. Don’t focus on what you want to say when they stop talking
Put yourself in their shoes
Work to see their point of view
Remember you can’t be defensive if you work to see their point of view
Where are they coming from?
Can you understand them?
Would this make sense if you were them?
Make the effort to fully hear them?
5.Keep breathing and releasing your defensiveness and disagreement
Disclaimer: I Did Not Say You Will Be Treated The Same Way By Them
Remember your job is to do the hearing
The point is not to be right
The point is to defuse the person and the situation
Don’t tell them you are doing this
Let them say all they have to say – they will stop
6. Simplify it down to the facts
Facts stand alone
Facts are completely neutral
Facts are something everyone agrees on
Facts are the common ground
7. In one sentence say:
I hear you say (restate their concern/interpretation)
In one sentence say I am interpreting this to mean
This is why we disagree.
No one is right or wrong.
We both just have a different interpretation of what this means.
If they are really upset or you don’t know them well you can choose to only say “I hear you say …..” The other steps you can do in your head.
8. Then say:
Can we both agree that …(fact)……? (Yes or No) – Repeat as needed until facts are stated
Great so we agree that …(fact)….
Now, how can we work together find a way to solve, deal with, etc.?
From this point on only focus on finding a solution.
The goal is to brainstorm together to find a solution that makes it better
You are no longer person focused
You are no longer blame focused and neither are they
You are both solution focused
You don’t have to teach this to the other person – just do it
You will be empowered and they will become empowered